the reigns are tighter

It's Monday! Which means we had our weekly OB appointment. It didn't really end like I planned today.

The reigns are now tighter.

The appointment started out okay. Well, I guess not really. I got on the scale and I gained 4lbs in 1 week. Nothing was ever said about this because in general I haven't gained that much so we will let this part slide.

Then my blood pressure was taken. It was 122/92. Not terrible but that bottome number isn't pretty. The nurse asked me if I had any questions or concerns. I told her about how I was itching all over all the time with no rash or bumps.

Then it was time to see Dr. High Risk. He took a peek at Brooke. She looks awesome. She is a little over 5lbs and her cord flow is wonderful and she is doing her practice breathing like a champ. I asked if she had any hair and he looked and she doesn't really have much. Surprising since I have so much heartburn huh?!?! Anyway.....he then asked me about my itching and I told him and he said I probably have the start of cholestasis. He called me in some Vistaril to the pharmacy and I was going to be gone.

Then I asked if he was okay with my bp and he said yeah it's okay for now. I'll see you Monday again. Then Matt asked why they didn't check my urine this time or last and he told me to go "tinkle" in the bathroom and he'd check it before we left. So I proceeded and it was +1 protein. Then he stopped us in the hall and said he wanted to see me before the end of the week. I started crying, thinking he meant I was going to have the baby this weekend. He said he just wants to pull the reigns tighter (start seeing me every 4 days) since my blood pressure is creeping up, protein is showing up in urine and the cholestatis is appeared. He would like to get 2 more weeks out of me. (I'm 33 weeks now).

So, needless to say I'm a little bummed out tonight. I know I am VERY lucky to have made it thus far and that I have a 5 pounder in my belly but I DO NOT WANT TO BE IN THE NICU for ANY reason whatsoever. I don't even want to be in there for jaundice. NOTHING!!!! I don't want to go. I want to kick and scream!!!!

I know that Dr. High Risk is doing what needs to be done. He said that he should start pulling the reigns anyway regardless of the stuff that came up today because "i'll be damned if we got you this far and something happened" and he is right. And I trust him with everything I have. I know that he is NOT going to deliver Brooke early for no reason just because he is scared. I know that he isn't going to keep her cooking when she should be delivered. I knew going into this all that at some point we would be gambling on cooking or delivering and it would come down to calling "game over"...........

but I don't have to like it!!!!!!!!